Ninja's blog: "Ask the Ninja"

Dear Ninja,

How do I cure my wife's sick obsession with anal beads? It was fun at first, but now I walk with a weird gait.

Yours Truly,
Butthurt in Brooklyn

Dear Butthurt,

Have you tried and butt plug? She can't shove those massive beads up there if it's closed for business.

You might have to go to the doctor and get a note as well. Or you can find a random hooker off the street to offer her up instead of yours. That 20 bucks might be a wise investment if you want to walk and poop right again.