Buggzy A best friend is like a four leaf's blog: "Life"

I watched a show today and the more I watch it the more I like it.

The show was Boston Legal. 

Any how one lawyer said to the other she thought he was lost cause one way he does whats right and t hen does about face and screws up.

I thought about that for a bit and realized yanno, I am just like that . I try hard to do the right things by every one and try to help out were ever I can and yet some how manage to fuck things up for myself and thus feeling like a piece of shit.

I use to try and try to get people to like me and would sit and cry to my father and ask what am I doing wrong. He said nothing just sometimes trying to hard is hit and miss . Now I am in my 50's and still I cant seem to make a good friend. I dont know I guess how.

Yes I suppose I am feeling sorry for myself seems,  that is the one thing I am good at.  I try and put my best foot forward but again ..end up putting my foot in  my mouth.

I thought about just going back to the old me,  were I wouldnt speak much just kinda crawl back within myself .

This way ,  I figure I wont get any one pissed off at me,  or bad mouthing me.  Wait!! thats bs no matter if I say or dont say things people will always shoot off their mouths even thou they have no dam idea what I am about.

Any how I suppose its time for me to look deep with in myself and figure out what my next move should be.