A week in the life of a Helhound
Mani’s day: A group of leather-clad young ladies arrived. Claimed to be the hellcats. Chased them all up the nearest tree. Love my job.
Tyr’s day: Visited hellcats up tree. Growled at them for an hour. Then sat just looking at them while licking my chops. Left them totally petrified.
Woden’s day: Hellcats still in tree. Still petrified. Went to play with Hel’s daughter. Great throwing arm, her. Lobs a thighbone well over 300 yards. Gave me a belly rub, too. Only person here brave enough to do that. Got a bit excited and nipped her playfully. Sure her fingers will grow back. Daughter of a goddess and all.
Thor’s day: Sneaked into Hel’s kitchen & nicked Hel’s sausages. Delicious. Wonder who they put in to make them taste so good. Hellcats haven’t moved an inch.
Frige’s day: Damn! Found out why hellcats have been looking so petrified these past days. There’s only cardboard cutouts in tree! Searched everywhere for real hellcats. Chased them up another tree, and pissed on it to show my contempt. Piss ate right through tree. Really wonder who or what was in those sausages. Gave tree a good push. Tree fell, dropping hellcats into icy cold lake. Cold day in hell, today.
Laugr’s day: Went to visit Mike from Hel’s Angels. Hellcat had pounced and was now jumping up and down on him. Must have thought he was a bird. Wings and all that. Rescued Mike by chasing hellcat off. Strangely, Mike didn’t seem grateful. Swore at me, even. Must have been the shock. Fortunately for Mike, I’m a forgiving soul. Only bit his leg off.
Sol’s day: Practise day for Hel’s bellringers. What a racket! Sat in Hel’s living room and howled along. Slobbered all over the sofa as well. For good measure. Then Hel’s daughter popped in with her bagpipes. Sat on sofa. Immediately got up again and sat on chair. Howled along together until thrown out by Hel’s butler. Great day!
