I'm in a mood right now, and thought I'd post a few poems I'd written at bleaker points in my life. Excuse the single quotes around one word; it was triggering a bug in LC.
A Visit to the Doctor
doctor appears.
he stares in my face.
i fight a furious urge to push
and see if he'd roll.
(he didn't)
his eyes protrude,
his tongue... forked?
he begins with the routine.
the questions begin.
they are meaningless.
doesn't he understand?
his eyes hold me.
my lips form a question.
why?
why am i here?
noone cares about me.
we sit.
we stare.
we parry meaningless thrusts.
weaving back and forth
as black tree branches against the shadows.
does he know?
does he understand?
as i 'frame' the question,
he disappears.
They
i walked down the hall, and
She
talked to me.
She
is one of the perfect ones.
Her head tilted,
hair glistening,
She spoke,
her words streaming as water heavy with mud.
i feel her contempt.
She uses me,
uses my brain.
i hate her.
i walk alone.
cruel laughter follows.
i turn,
catch eyes,
laughing?
i turn my head side to side,
forcing my mouth into
some farcical grimace of a smile.
"Hi," i say,
"How are you?"
They hear me,
ignore me.
i walk down the hall,
alone.
Jealousy
She tilts her head back. Laughter trips prettily
from her lips. They listen. I brood.
What am I, I say.
Loyal.
Dependable.
Trustworthy.
What is she, I say.
Shallow.
Flirtatious.
Why does she get what she wants?
He is here now. What was once mine alone is
now shared unequally. Hers is larger.
I watch them together. He laughs and touches
her adoringly.
Why?
Am I not
loyal
dependable
trustworthy?
She is my friend. She professes to understand
me. We talk, we laugh.
I watch.
On my shelf is a mug. A present. Christmas
bears gambol happily as the scarves ever tighten
around their necks.
I watch.
Jealousy is bad. It is evil. I am bad. I am evil.
"Jesus loves me
This I know
For the Bible tells me so."
Am I going to hell?
I love her. I love him.
I hate her. I hate him.
I hate myself.
The piano gets ever stiffer. The keys will not
move for me. Do they know?
He is gone. Another replaces him. The place
beside me remains empty.
