So, in essence:

My 2013 Good Boy (a hard 10) treated me like his pursued playmate,
My 2013 Lover Boy (a hard 7) treated me like his pleasured passion,
My 2012 Bad Boy (a hard 8) treated me like his protected princess, and
My 2011 Lost Boy (a soft 5) treated me like a damn stray cat,

Which was just frigging pathetic.

Hence, out of the 4 gentlemen that I've become romantically acquainted with over the past few years, my favorite 2 experiences were with (1) My bad boy, the funny super villain, who, while predatory and obsessive, was still very protective over me, and a lot of fun and laughs to be with, and (2) My good boy, the fun action hero, who, while simple and inexperienced, was still very strong, fun, aggressive, nurturing, fearless, dominating, and a joy to be around.

I don't really care one way or the other about the 3rd guy. He was romantic, which I definitely liked, but he played too many head trip games with me and he was too calculated, vengeful and manipulative, like a woman. I don't like guys who act like women. Feminine, catty men really turn me off sexually. I'm really only turned on and attracted to very masculine men. I'm a confident alpha female, so naturally, I really *LOVE* confident alpha males! They seem to be the only men who know just how to handle me

But this guy was so talented and sooo romantic and good at courting me with creative dates, love songs and back massages. I couldn't resist his romantic nature. He also had a lot of social intelligence, which I liked. But he was just too much of a meaningless maze to sort through. Dating him was like being trapped in a pointless suspense thriller murder mystery. Yes, it was engaging, interesting and curiosity provoking, even intoxicating and tempting at times, but... it was also so pointlessly exhausting, maddeningly unproductive and a negative waste of energy lol

Also not my style... So... yeah, he was interesting, but... not for me.

My 1st boyfriend was my least favorite of all. I hate saying this cause I think I sound heartless, but I really hate sick babies lol. I didn't know that or that he was one, until my 1st boyfriend experience ended, when I learned that I truly do hate sick babies. I hate zombies. I hate lost boys. Well not hate, so much as just hate being in any type of romance with. I hate being in a relationship or being mistreated in a relationship by these types. They just piss me off and I know I should just feel bad for him and as a Christian just be like "He's a sick baby, so forgive him, for he knows not what he does"...

But f*** it!

I'm human, I'm allowed to have feelings and passionate dislikes and express my own angst, especially if its my very 1st experience with relationships. And he ruined my 1st kiss! ABSOLUTELY *RUINED* IT!!! Not only was it everything I told him I *didn't* want, and *NOTHING* that I told him I *did* want, but it also sucked so bad. Seriously, he was the worst kisser on the planet! I couldnt f***ing believe it! He had all this "experience" over me, and yet *I* was the one having to teach him basic sh** like how to f***ing kiss! It was sooooo annoying! He was just too broken, empty, sick and dumb for me. I'm sorry lol.

Not my baggage, not my problem.

The interesting thing is that none of the guys I've exclusively dated so far are the type of guy I really see myself falling in love with, marrying and having kids with. I see myself falling in love with and marrying an altruistic humanitarian leader type of guy who spends a lot of his time helping others in some way. I don't care what race he is, though I'm a sucker for cute, beautiful, hot biracial / mixed guys lol

BEST OF BOTH WORLDS BABY HAHA!

I could see myself with a youth minister, a social activist, a community mentor, a civil servant, a motivational speaker, a doctor, a healer, a philanthropist, a (sensitive, non-fanatical) missionary, a people-rescuer of some kind, I dunno, but that's the kind of guy I admire (real-life superheroes) and that's the kind of guy I see myself giving my virginity to and spending my life with and sharing and giving my all to, raising kids with and building a powerful legacy that will be remembered with.

I have yet to (knowingly) meet this kind of guy. It's the heroic humanitarian leadership character that I'm looking for. Not how much money he has or how good his sex is. I want to be with a hero. Period. We can work on the rest later. I can compromise on most things, but I can't compromise on strength, protectiveness and a heroic nature. I need those things in order to admire somebody, trust them, fall in love with them, submit to them and commit to them. I don't submit to guys who aren't strong, protective or heroic. I don't even know how. But I can easily submit to a strong, heroic protector. Easily.

Still searching for him tho lol...

Ironically, neither one of my 2 favorite guys had the altruistic humanitarian leadership strength that I admire. The surfer jock good boy came close in terms of moral strength, especially since he's a clean, drug-free virgin like me, waiting for marriage too, so we admired each other's purity and goodness. And we have fun. Especially at the beach. He's a great surfer!

The money hunter bad boy had a lot of protective strength, especially since he would always school me on dangers around me and teach me how to read people the way he did, even though he was sort of a pathologically lying con artist who used his superpowers of perception to con powerful rich men out of their money and he even made me think he was born into his father's wealth when nothing he told me of his background (when we first met) turned out to be true, and weird crazy sh** became the norm in our relationship.

So I had to let him go, despite how intelligently and aggressively protective he was over me. His obsessive nature and flamboyant lying began to scare me, and I'm one of those rare gifted youthful princesses, in that, despite all the youthfully gifted powers I possess, and despite all the wealthy options or opportunities I have, or can have, or will eventually have, at my disposal, I will still stick around for a while, and stand by your side, with great Capricornian-like endurance, like a loyal little cuddle puppy, or a "ride or die chick" haha, through thick and thin, no matter how bad things get--

But as soon as you either:

(1) Give me a profoundly offensive ultimatum,
(2) Try to sabotage, betray, rob, or lie on me or
(3) Scare the living sh** out of me--

I'm out that door so fast, you can't even see me, baby I'm just gone, as in "Gone With The Wind Fabulous" GONE lol If you make me choose between you and God, or my values, I'm gone. If you steal from me, try to ruin me, cheat on me, slander me, abuse me, or in any other way spectacularly disrespect me, I'm gone. If you freak me the hell out, I'm SUPER gone haha And my 2012 guy freaked me the f*** out. I seriously started to question just how sane he was. And just how safe I was. And when my safety appears to be in jeopardy, or my values are clearly put on the chopping block, or my trust has been violated, I'm out the door. No questions asked. It's just over.

And that's what happened.

Do I miss him? Yes. I do. But do I miss his insanity or dishonesty? NO. Absolutely not. I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I like a lot of passionate Edward/Jacob obsession in my man. I can match it. We'll be mutually, passionately obsessed with each other. It'll be a crazy, hot love affair-- but with actual substance and powerful purpose. However... when it gets to the point of scary, and the scary party holds all the chips in their hand, that's when it's time to bounce.

So I bounced.

I still chill with my Good Boy Ex, on occasion. As friends. He's the only one I feel I had a truly healthy relationship with, all along. Since the guy before him treated me like a conquest, and the guy before that treated me like an obsession, and the guy before that treated me like a damn stray cat, like we weren't even *in* a relationship.

More like a stray-cat-tionship.

Put food out to feed me, pat me on the head, send me on my way, call that a relationship and slam the door in my face as soon as I *don't* pretend that's cool. Get mad at me just for wanting his time. Yeah, that kind of profound disconnectedness frightens me more than any obsession in the world. Such a cold, callous, detached lack of emotional intimacy-- That's like not having a relationship at all.

Just calling a stray cat arrangement "a relationship" does not a relationship make.

Any who, as I was saying, I feel the healthiest vibes and greatest inner strength from my Good Boy Ex. It takes strength to be good and clean in a world so bad and dirty. And it takes inner emotional health to have a healthy relationship with someone. I'm actually relieved to have found my Surfer Jock buddy. He shows me that healthy men and healthy relationships do exist.

Good girls like me don't have to settle for ill-willed, sexy devils, like The Toxic Lover I dated this past Winter, or fraudulent, funny psychos, like The Hilarious Supervillain I dated in 2012, or dead, empty idiots, like The Tragic Zombie I dated in 2011. Healthy, happy, honorable, good, strong men, like The Fun Action Hero, do exist!

Now I just have to find one who wants to travel and save the world lol


:::::::::::::::::::: MY FRIENDSHIP HISTORY ::::::::::::::::::::

OK, let me be frank. I pick up friends like stray cats lol I didn't go to regular school, I don't come from a big family, I never even had a tribe to align myself with, and the church I grew up in was made up of mostly old people. So since almost all of my acquaintances are all from my adulthood, and my life changes like the wind, from one job to another, from one church to another, from one event to another, with no stable network to plug myself into, I just pick up all my friends like stray cats. From everywhere and anywhere, both online and offline haha Yes, that means I've met a lot of crazy people (though almost none of the crazy people I've met were from online, ironically lol).

I do have 2 childhood bffs that I barely ever see. One (from my neighborhood childhood) is Asian and looks sort of like a Hawaiian princess, but she has a mental illness, so she lives in Alabama with her ex now, and she kind of sleeps with whoever tells her they love her, because she's kind of desperate for the love that her dad never gave her, and her mom was the same way, because she too has paranoid schizophrenia, and promiscuity is a symptom of the illness. So she's kind of in a tragic situation right now, that I can't do anything about, and it breaks my heart just thinking about it..

My other bff (from my private school childhood) is White and looks sort of like a red-headed viking, but she works 24/7 far away, is getting married soon and is kind of antisocial because she was molested by her dad when she was a kid while her mother had undiagnosed schizophrenia and now I can't bring any of my male friends or boyfriends around her without her wanting to do something sexual with them, even while she's in a relationship with somebody else, creating infidelity with her mate.

I'm not sure if it's just a coincidence that both my childhood bffs have unloving fathers and mothers with schizophrenia, as my dad loved me and my mom has no mental illness, and neither do I. So I'm not sure what's in my energy that attracts this pattern in women friends, but I'm loyal to them, and I'm always there when they call me for the hard times.

When it comes to male friends, the ones who usually cling to me the most are the ones with strong mother figures and no father figures, or gay guys, and guys with femininity issues lol. However, the guys who usually pursue me romantically who I'm actually attracted most to and turned on most by are guys with good, strong, positive father figures. Guys who grew up with no stable parental figures seem to gravitate towards me also, but I don't usually end up liking them very much, in the end...

So I guess, with males, I get a long best with guys who had fantastic father figures, then 2nd best with guys who had strong mother figures, then 3rd best with guys who had no real parental figures.

With females, I seem to attract women who had flaky or unreliable mothers in their childhood, or who had dads who didn't show them the love and safety they needed to feel coming up. But I can get along with any woman who doesn't stab me in the back... Which I guess defeats the overwhelming nature of most women, sadly lol

Lucky for me, I make new friends every day, but the only ones I include in my profile are the ones that have been around for decades, and who have proven themselves trustworthy in some fundamental capacity, because they're family to me, and I only take family seriously. Anyone will call themselves your friend. Doesn't mean they are though. Time will tell how much of a reliable, trustworthy friend they really are to you. So in terms of family friends, only 2 of my thousands of acquaintances are actually what I would truly, confidently call my "friend".

Everyone else is just transient.

In another 5-10 years, maybe I'll be able to give you a new, updated list of family friends, starring more peeps who proved themselves reliable and trustworthy through-out the years lol