Disciple Jinx's blog: "Venting"

How crazy can life get for one person? I offer my Jerry Springer Life for review . My brother has/was cheating on his wife and I suspected but never said anything because I never had proof. I am the older sibling and it was drilled into my head to be responsible for him - yeah right. Anyway I sat back and watched a friend who did have proof tell my sister in law only after he had spoken with my brother about and basically got the "keep your mouth shut" talk. This was about two weeks ago. I've told my brother my feelings on the matter and how I really didn't want to be around him right now otherwise I would hurt him for being such an idiot. Today I get this phone call from him - guess what - my sister in law is pregnant and he can't understand why I am not jumping up and down for joy. I love my family I do but right now they are making me crazy. I know I need to deal with it and move on but they aren't giving me enough time between shocks to adjust. Oh added in on this is my ex husband saying I am an unfit mom because he found some papers our daughter had written between her and friends saying how she wanted to be with some boy. He freaked and now I get to be blamed for allowing her to think like that. It's been crazy and I took a long hot bath to relax. Now I get to work on final exams this week - lucky me. :)

Time for bed for me and yet I can't sleep again. I feel as if I am a jinx to my friends lately. I went to see my friend and he ended up getting bad news about his ankle injury last week - more rehab and possible surgery on it. I went to see my girlfriend in SC and her boyfriend the other day to help clean up her yard - it was a jungle that needed some taming. Anyway the b/f's son stole his truck, wrecked it and was underage drinking on top of it. Everyone I touch in some way has had something go wrong. All my co-workers have had some bad experience lately too. Between my family issues and now this I have to wonder if I am not a jinx to people. My mom leaves to go to FL in the morning and I didn't go visit today because I am afraid if I do something will happen to her too. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do. I guess I will be anti-social for awhile and claim that I am working on my finals - mostly true since it is finals week for me in my class this term - and just not talk to anyone for awhile.

I have yet to find myself in this world so I am lost. Adrift on the sea of humanity with no one to be next to me. I should be used to it by now I suppose but I am not. My heart aches when I see friends with loved ones near and I have no one to turn to. I'm not sure what if anything I do wrong. I tend to think most people see me as a friends only person rather than something else. Of course given the drama in my life I can understand why someone would run the other way. It makes me want to curl up in a ball and just hide away but then how will I meet that someone who might change my life? Each day other rough time waking from the slumber where I dream of a better life for me and each day another disappointment. Maybe the next day will be better - one can hope. So I sit here alone on a weekend night listening to the crickets and frongs outside my window. Lulled to sleep by that sound I find myself finally at peace and thinking of the next day's adventure....and hopefully not drama. hugs, kisses and love always to all my friends who have been there for me - cyberspace and reality. You are what keeps me going each day and night!