Well feck, you really care about me! You give me a boner. No, not a penis boner, but a boner in my heart. A heart on...ߘ

I bet ghosts stick their dicks in people's mouths while they're asleep and that's the reason everyone has bad breath when they wake up.

I love long walks on the beach with my lady... until the LSD wears off and I realize that I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around the parking lot of a Wendy's. :\

I hate it when I’m singing along to a song and the artist gets the words wrong...

Is On The Toilet (>_

Is on the toilet... (>_

:|

Obabba got advanced video of season 6 of Game of Thrones?!? Oooh, I really can't stand that fucker, now... :\

If you watch pregnancy backwards, it's about a she-monster that absorbs a child into her vagina, and keeps it in her uterus for 9 months absorbing it's nutrients, then a man puts his penis into her vagina, sucking up all the remains.

The only fucks I give are in bed...

If I'd shot you sooner, I'd be out of jail by now...

ALENTINE'S AY For those that won't be getting the V or the D on Feb. 14th...

I lick your tears for sustenance...

I think my neighbor is stalking me, as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it with my telescope last night...

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive...

It's unlimited 11s today, dude, so why the 10? And why are you a dude? :|

Okay, you dumb bastards from yesterday, now you can start your new year's eve celebrations...

What's up with all of the happy new years shit, you fools, new years eve isn't until maņana.

One snowman says to the other... "do you smell carrots?"

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I spent mine with family while I'm here in Reno for the next few weeks. :)