My favorite co-worker is the coffee machine.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel, just pray to God that it is not a train.

As a mortician, I always tie the shoelaces together of the dead. Cause if there is ever a zombie apocalypse, it will be hilarious.

I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday somewhere.

I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday somewhere.

I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically

I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.

I need 46 more comments on my Blast for 100, please leave one, http://fubar.com/blast_details.php?uid=6208668&blastid=397993&btype=1

I need 54 more comments on my Blast, please leave one, http://fubar.com/blast_details.php?uid=6208668&blastid=397993&btype=1

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

No matter where you go – You’re always there! And you’re never there, because you’re always here!

No matter where you go – You’re always there! And you’re never there, because you’re always here!

It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. they're in front of you in the supermarket express lane

It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. they're in front of you in the supermarket express lane

Monday again? Seriously though, I cannot keep doing this every week!

Monday again? Seriously though, I cannot keep doing this every week!

Monday again? Seriously though, I cannot keep doing this every week!

Poor : When you have too much month at the end of your money.

My psychiatrist said to me, “Take these pills and you’ll be all right.” I told him that there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s the rest of the world, “I know. But it’s easier for you to take the pills than the rest of the world.”

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it