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Next time you're feeling down remember life is all about perspective. I have a friend who has sex 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison.
You can feed a lot of squirrels into those pneumatic tubes at the bank before the teller finds the shut-off switch.
I opened a can of worms and they just sat there...ð...hardly the chaos that was advertised.
What a let down...ð...I wanted an official Red-Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle for Christmas but all I heard was "you'll shoot your eye out"...ð
YOU WOULDN'T EAT A HUMAN SO WHY EAT MEAT?..... IT'S AWFULLY BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME I WOULDN'T EAT A PERSON.
If you put holy water in a humidifier it turns the room into a gas chamber for vampires.
If you're going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?
Jehovah witnesses seemed a little shocked when I asked them if they were here for the orgy.
Why do I have to use leaves as toilet paper when I go camping, while we have bears out there using Charmin?
How do Amish girls know if it's a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
Things that keep me awake at night...How do Amish girls know if it's a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT EATING GUMMY BEARS IS KNOWING THAT THEY CAN'T FIGHT BACK WHEN YOU BITE THEIR HEADS OFF...
ð...It's a Festivus pole, made from aluminum. Very high strength-to-weight ratio.
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