Rasko69's blog: "stuff"

Why does it have to hurt inside? Why do I have to cry each night? I think I have to walk on by... Cuz I'm starting to lose my sight... What is it that changed your mind? Who is it that keeps you blind? Why did you change so fast? Did you really have to leave me behind? I start to think about all we had And how it turned this way... I guess I'll have to leave your side, And turn my face away... Although my soul will die... Although my heart will cry... I've got nothing else to do, I'm hurt deep inside But although I'll leave your side, You'll be always on my mind... My heart and soul will ache for you, Every day and every night... You're my never-ending love, The love that keeps me alive... You're the one I'll love forever, Although it hurts inside...

I've learned a lot these past few years Through my fake smiles and unseen tears That friends sometimes aren't forever that true love doesn't always last And happy memories stay with you but those happy moments go by fast Words can cut deeper than any sword Leaving you with something That no one could replace or ever afford Sometimes things happen, Sometimes your heart will break Though to feel real happiness this is what's at stake In order to have the comfort of heaven and your story to live to tell You must also experience the hate-filled life of hell Remember . . . There will always be someone there Someone that honestly does care A person can leave your life Leave you alone with your worries and strife But like pain, the love you once felt cannot from your body depart but only may enter your heart Don't worry someday it will all get better Your mornings will grow joyful with someone to love And you'll have the kind of life you thought you could only dream of I've been there before with my head in my hands Believing there's no way anyone could ever understand But they do . . . trying everything they can to help you Still you sit there unknowing and blind To what soon you'll be glad to find.

Slowly sliping into madness I can no longer see straight I cant help but notice how my emotions flow in this drunken state I can no longer supress these feelings ive had Pissed off at the world sick of being sad I hate you I wish youd JUST DIE Im tired of saying its ok or asking why I want to leave you all and never come back Thinking to fast im starting to loose track Of my sanity of my patience and ability to keep cool How have I even lasted this long being YOUR FUCKING TOOL You use me for EVERYTHING that you fucking want Im sick of this shit and they way you FUCKING TAUNT With your oh so false words only to piss me off again Making me fall just so I can feel the pain Of the landing thats so FUCKING hard I cannot think And then even further into madness and darkness I sink Like quicksand consuming my fucking soul Leaving nothing but my fucking hate and anger to take tole On this FUCKING world and the FUCKING inosence Because of your false love and FUCKIN pretense I leave a bloody stain upon the world streaking the sky With sorrow filled departure and a much needed goodbye...

I’m tired of being misunderstood, nerves are shot, weak – like old wood. I’m tired of being ill, no energy, can’t think, losing my skills. I’m tired of so-called friends, stabbing me in the back, again and again. I’m tired of trying to make things right, I give up – I surrender, no will to fight. I’m tired of seeing others in pain, raises frustration, drives me insane. I’m tired of not being able to cry, I’d melt away, nothing left inside. I’m tired because I can’t feel, walking in a daze – numb this can’t be real. I’m tired of being “strong,” I'm weak, I'm fragile, its gone on way to long. I don’t know what else to say, I'm hoping, I'm dreaming, I'm begging, I'm pleading, please, take this feeling away. Right now… I’m just tired…

It’s all dark nights And all cold sweats And thinking of All my regrets I lay alone I’m wide awake Kicking myself For my mistakes In total silence I twist and turn My body at ease Yet my mind burns Restless as always An itching in my skin It’s storming outside And it’s storming within My eyelids are heavy But yet open wide Deep in my conscious Is where my demons hide Frustration sets in Feeling like I want to scream It’s these night terrors That no longer let me dream

Oh sleepless night With my demons I fight With no sword or shield My bed is the battle field Cover oh my sweet cover No sweet dreams of my lover My pillow knows my fears And it swallows all my tears The night is so silent and dreary And even though I am bleary I can't find a way to sleep I can't find the tears to weep So soon the sun will shine And brings peace to this heart of mine And ends this sleepless night And I will lose my hopeless fight