MrsM's blog: "smiling again..."

Call my messages Cuz your phone is dead Just to hear ur voice and let it dance around in my head So many dreams So much love between us No more fears, no more tears We can and will withstand thru the years The headgames others play with each others minds We only use on each others bodies Nothing left to prove Knowing our love is one of a kind Our way to each other is all we need to find......

Uneasiness, tears, fear, uncertainty Those are all the familiar emotions Churning inside of me All of them frighting for the chance to raise their head To take a glance I shove them down each in turn as i try not to let them return They threaten to overwhelm me To burn and drown me The tears i cannot let fall answer thier masters sweet call and begin to fall anyway no matter what i say They always seem to surface and bring back the emotions to wreak havoc in my heart while they play Time clicks by Each second a minute Each minute seeming like an hour Slowly i feel myself losing control and power All i want now is to escape From insecurities, their grip, the worry Oh how i wish your call would come in a hurry Just as i think that the only release is the sweet surrender of sleep If i can only escape into the good sweet dreams and not the nightmares that haunt me the phone rings my heart pounds its YOU All of my insecurties melt away once more as if they never were.

Am I not pretty enough Is my heart too broken Do I cry too much Am I too outspoken Don't I make you laugh Should I try it harder Why do you see right through me I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break I crave, I love, I've waited long enough I try as hard as I can I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees I hope, I stand, I take it like a man I try as hard as I can

Ok well one thing I have come to the conclusion about is that insecurity can be a real kicker. Even when a person doesnt have a reason to feel insecure they can feel that way. The other conclusion I have come to is that feeling stinks. So, I have decided that no matter what I am going to stop feeling insecure about so many things and rest in the fact that I am me and I cant be anymore than that and that is enough....or at least it should be right???? Ok so I know Im not perfect...lol...but who is huh? It is good to have goals tho. I am so happy for the real people I have met and for the real people that I have filled my life with. That is what I strive to be most is REAL. All me, no pretending, no faking, no lying, just ME. All of u who think that the regular me is great, lots of love goes out to u.You are all great. And I appreciate all of you. I love like there is no tomorrow, am fiercly loyal and protective, and always have a listening ear and soft shoulder. I am too honest for my own good and appreciate and enjoy the small things. Thank u to all of you "real" people in my life at this moment.

Well I am a wayward angel I don't suffer I don't cry And late in the night your sleeping I come to hover by your side So close your weary weathered eyes These tears are just a faint disguise Cause I am a wayward angel I don't suffer, I don't cry Cold in the heart of winter Make your shiver make you blue I'm stay close by your window Give your blankets to hold on to So sleep my baby for a while You'll wake with the light of a mothers smile Cause I am a wayward angel I don't suffer I don't cry I am a wayward angel I feel no sorrow I'll always carry you home I'll bring salvation Before tomorrow I'll be wherever you go Break like a first time heartache Leaves you weaker leaves you tears Hold my hand much tighter I will walk you through these years So close your weary weathered eyes You'll wake with the light of a mothers smile Cause I am a wayward angel I don't suffer I don't cry

Tangled thought running around in my head Looking for someway they could just rest instead Signs pointed the way to go My heart said yes but something still said no Finally, realizing there was no doubt My heart won out Closing the door on past regrets Moving on to the haven't yets All there is now is time to being anew And the one I found I want to do that with is you.

My heart, My soul The one that makes me whole Never giving up, Never letting go Going to do everything I can to let it show To make sure that you know Always will you be Forever, a part of me.

so much time wasted so much time gone now that fate has once again come and gone taking all my pride and knocking down my spirit if i screamed would anyone hear it? life is full of choices some good and some bad but what if a choice was something we never had no one chooses to lose those that mean so much or to have their heart taken away by someone who only wants to mess it up fate is that one thing that makes our choices we make a good or great thing or one huge big mistake i hope and pray that fate will be kind because this mind and heart are far from blind looking and searching hoping for the day things will look brighter and for a love that wont go away knowing it is out there if only the eyes of my soul can see somewhere someone is waiting just for me

Its been a little while but i have found something again wchich makes me smile everytime i think of it. I like that...its been too long on the roller coaster or life and i would like to finally be on the straightaway coasting for a while just enjoying the ride instead of having to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Makes sense right?? *hmm there is that smile again....:)* ty for the smiles and the the confrimation...i am worth what i thought i was...:) all smiley....Fallen Angel