TBear's blog: "Random Ruminations"

I decided today that the whole problem with me is... I am tired and I just really don't care. It has been several months of struggling with simple things. I don't open my mail. I never answer the phone away from work. I fail to answer emails to even my favorite people. Perhaps it IS time to consider that I may have a problem. But it can't be, I am always smiling and ready with a cheery greeting or a funny quip. There must be some sort of mistake. I am not wired to avoid things. To withdraw. It just doesn't happen. The evidence is against me. 2-months of mail in my in-box. GUILTY! 150 messages in my emails inboxes - GUILTY! 25 messages on my answering machine - GUILTY! Yard looking like a neglected empty lot - GUILTY. there is way more, but I think that is guilty enough for now. My earliest memory as a human is long ago in a galaxy far, far away. I was being held in a dungeon by giant penguins. However, in 1953, it was known as the polio ward at our Sisters of Saint Andrews Hospital in Oklahoma City. I was in a 3-level bank of what were known as "iron lung" machines. Nothing but my head sticking out one end. Best I can say is I was almost 2 years old. The penguins would come around and try to feed me and if I cried they threatened me with "something to cry about" which I never wanted to find out about. I fought my way out of that alien place, found my way back to earth, and since then it has been a half-century long series of struggles. 30 surgeries of various types. Physical therapy. Rehabilitation. Resident "Homes" which were places to park society's misfits. Evil genius doctors, experimental treatments. It goes on & on. I made it through school mostly by learning on my own and teaching myself. Honor list most of the time. Set expectations for me that were hard to fulfill. Not the dumbest thing I have ever done, but very close. I never had dates in HS, parents didn't want their little girls going out with circus freaks. What the heck - the circus didn't want me either! As I have struggled through being an adult, I managed to attract the kind of girl mom warned me about. Went through 4 marriages and subsequently 4 divorces. It is simpler being single most of the time. I prefer having someone to be close with, a partner and lover. Maybe I just can't? Jury is still out. I have managed to mold a career from the ashes of my life. May 12, I will have 25 years of service with one company. Maybe I will get a watch. I cant wear them. Meanwhile, if I don't start opening up the mail soon, I will again disappoint. Myself. I am just tired of the struggles, and wonder when things will get easier for me. Or if they ever will. I may not be all struggled out yet, maybe if I get it going once again it will keep going. I will keep my eyes crossed. Meanwhile, here are 4 letters from the bank. Look sort of important. Better take a look at them. Wish me luck! Charley

Hey FU-friends. How the heck did it become April? I must have lost track of time or something. Or maybe it is true that the older you get the faster they blow by. It is a fact of life that as we pass through the winter solstice and go running past the spring equinox that there is increasingly more daylight every day. Another well known equation is daylight + rain + warmer temps = the return of flora to the landscape. This is bad for allergies (achoo!) but good for photography. And outdoor activity. And romping outdoors with friends to throw down the cabin fever from the winter darkness and cold. It also means that unless I give up sleep, I cannot spend a whole lot of time FU-barring. Except on weekends... I don't want to lose touch with y'all, and I know everybody else gets busy during the warm months too. So please remember good ole T~Bear, and remember I am not ignoring you. I am out having fun away from the computer for a while. I will do my best to catch up when I can. I do promise not to disappear like i did last June & July. There won't be another nationwide manhunt for me again. It touched me dearly that some of you went to such lengths to check on me lat summer. I hope you all know how much that meant to me that a group of cyber friends managed to track me down in the middle of a boat ride down the Mississippi River. More of you have my personal contact information so maybe it wont be that hard to find me. Except, of course, I am promising not to disappear. I am only pointing out I might not be online everyday at home. Since they have FUBAR blocked at work, then I cant keep up from there either. What, do they think I am actually going to work? I do have notifications set up for everything, so I will know when someone is trying to reach me. Last year I was caring for a 30 year old child and her 9 year old daughter. I had no time for fun of any sort, I have re-learned that lesson in a hard way. If I am not having any fun, I am outta there! ANyway, I am not gone, just here less. I still love you all - you know who you are! But I should have some dandy photos to post and some stories to tell too. I am going to go to the Indy 500, another race in July, a couple of vacations. Catch up on some travels, and also burn up lots of space in my camera. Grandsons will arrive June 6 for 2 weeks of destructive fun. I will be back every time, just want to let everybody know huggies Charley

Greetings & Salutations my dear FUbarians! Lend me your eyes. ??? Neva mind =) I know this is rare, but... I have a surprise set of house guests tonight. Let me think how to put it.... My ex-sister-in-law and her daughter (my son's aunt on his mom's side) - Wendy & Claire - are in Nashville visiting Vanderbilt University. I guess Claire has her senior year in HS coming up or she graduates this spring - how the hell am I supposed to keep up? - and she might be attending Vandy. oh. boy. I sure don't need a 17 year old female to babysit for the next 4-5 years. Worse, Wendy just might follow her here. I hope she finds another school. I am pretty sure she will because mom is so high on Vandy. WHEW! fingers X'd! Anyway at least they called me last night about the time I was settling in for sleep. WOOHOO! 20 hours' notice! Oh well, always liked her better than her sister lol! She is younger too... So I will have - between the cat and the ladies - a whole house full of kitty tonight. LOL! But it won't bother me. I will lock myself in my room at bedtime. I may let the cat in. If I don't he may kill me in my sleep Caturday night! Will see you all another day. Wish me luck! Hugs (you know who you are!) Charley

Three priests were in a railroad station on their way home to Pittsburgh . Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman wearing a very tight, skimpy sweater. She made the three priests very nervous, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets. The first priest approached the window. 'Young lady, I would like three pickets to titsburg.' He completely lost his composure and fled. The second priest goes to the window. 'Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and dimes.' Mortified, he too fled. 'Morons....' the third priest mutters and moves to the window. 'Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his Peter at you. ' They took a bus........

I am flattered and humbled to have received not one, but TWO FU-Valentines... One word for you: WOOHOO!!!!! I am pretty sure who sent one, but who else did such a fabulous thing for ol' T~Bear??? Or is it really "whom"? Never mind... While I have my suspicions, please confess your good deeds so I can properly thank you. While we are at it, who the heck CRUSHED me??? And why don't you tell me who you are? Or is it really "whom"? Never mind... Please 'fess up. I will be eternally grateful. Love and hugs to all. me

Eight rhymes nicely, unlike some other digits. I accomplished the unthinkable: ending my time off. Kinda gives me a waterfall of tears! wah!!! Serves me right! I wanted to propose we skip right past 2008. 2007 was nothing to write home about, but survivable. 2009 surely will be fine. Also rhymes with 69, but that is another blog :) Now that the date ends in "08" not only does that mean it is a leap year - which has February 29 in it, a day which salaried people across the land are not compensated for - but it also has a Presidential election. YIKES!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Yes folks, it's here, an election year. A year when the BS is eyeball deep. There's enough hot air around that helium will be dirt cheap. Traffic will stop in major cities so rich butt holes can get to expensive fund raisers. There will be a clown on every corner. I will get phone calls from Colin Powell and Barack Obama. TV will have so much mud flying that HD will mean heavy dirt. Yes my friends, another Presidential election. Multiple mass-media campaigns simultaneously. It's not the steak, it's always the sizzle. Polls everywhere. Please give me a break! We need to stop rewarding the"candidate" that has the most money to spend on TV ads. Put them back on campaign trains. Fire the media consultants, ban polls. Oh, I will vote - always do - but the things we have to endure in a leap year should be less of a circus and more of an open forum. On the bright side! I guess it will give me 10+ months of stuff to gripe about. Blessings counted over here! Happy New Year to all. Is it really too late to cancel 2008? Charley

Wanting to wish you a Happy New Year, Here's hoping this one is full of good cheer, Hoping for the best in life and love for you, May your joys be many and your sorrows few. It works for me too! Happy New Year FU-barians! XOXOX me

Just in case you were wondering, I try to start the new year at Christmas. There is less pressure, don't have to remember the year changing and all of that. Besides, after Christmas, the whole year is pretty well shot!! I am here for several reasons, but first of all to praise Porky Pig's version of "Blue Christmas" ~ so heartfelt and honest, yet RFOLLMAO!!!! I love politically incorrect humor, I was raised on it. I think people need to TUFF THE EFF UP! Find the off switch. Life is short and complex. Laughing is our only defense mechanism. Try it! That being said, I truly believe that this song may be one of the greatest ever, perhaps edging out the workers in the Chinese restaurant on "Christmas Story"... You know - "FaRaRaRaRa - RaRaRaRa!" Brings a tear to your eye doesnt it? That is just allergies. OK, now for some insignificant meanderings... My cat wishes he could live inside my printer My bird can do a perfect imitation of my cordless vacuum It's a complete bitch to be me sometimes The best part about Christmas without the grandsons is the time off work and my DVR stockpile I am completely lost - well almost!- using my new iMac My job is becoming nearly overwhelming I am glad my family is far away - most of the time... I think my friends & family on FUBAR are the best people anywhere, and it seems all so miraculous sometimes. I am grateful for all my FU friends & family I am blessed in many ways God has played several cruel jokes on me so far When you first meet me I seem a great guy, but after getting to know me, you won't be able to stand me... I know how to post in HTML, but I refuse to do it idk why Sometimes I am overcritical of my photos... Maybe myself too I am so glad I have learned that I DON'T know everything! What does it say about me that my longest non-family ongoing relationship is 27 years - the age of my pet cockatiel! It is hard to adjust while moving around the country I hope I never have to move again I love my home and neighborhood Once I am home, I seldom go back out No fabulous women are going door to door looking for guys like me! Damn the bad luck! All of the "live" women I know see me as a friend & confidant Most of them are in relationships I get a lot of hugs I never get passion I miss passion terribly I spend too much time on computers I will probably be blind soon - another joke from above? Why do you think I got a 24" monitor!!! :) Flat panel HDTV is almost in my price range I need a huge one for when I have my glasses off Sometimes I just want to be heartless and rude That is so opposite my nature I still have hope for our collective future I believe everyone should turn off TV news Too many people are afraid of everything Too many people are afraid of nothing There is not enough worry in me to worry about all the stuff the "experts" say I need to worry about What? Me worry? (RIP Alfred E. Neuman) Sometimes I am disgustingly cheerful I use too many words People confide in me I know TMI about a bunch of people If women tell me about their sex life, does that mean they think I am gay? I hope they never stop telling me! :) I do worry about friends & family I think there are many fine people on FUBAR I am lucky that some of them are friends Never would have met any of you in the outside world Is it by chance or is it kismet? Chatting with my friends is a favorite pastime I have not been naughty this year Does that mean I have been nice? I have had to deal with a lot of anger this year That is good, that means I have not internalized it Captain Psycho hurt me deeply Many others bring me joy I met a lot of small children this year - it is a good year Small children remind me of my grandsons Children are the only truly honest people left in the world I can make them smile and giggle That makes me smile and giggle I hope VV calls me while I am off I am so glad Dori came by I hope she comes back like she said she would It is nice to have a live human sanity check once in awhile I thought by my age I would have the answers to the universal questions. What really happened was I forgot the questions! Who knew I would have to buy a back scratcher! I can use a human back scratching AHHHHHHH! I think this is getting too long, everyone will be waiting for the punch line... There is no particular deep meaning to the randomness of this I want to wish all my friends & family a very, very Merry Christmas! I hope we become better acquainted Anybody just stop by? Welcome! My gift to you all would be happiness and good health. And friendship. Peace on earth Goodwill to all But I'll have a BBBBBBBblue BB bB bb BB bb blue Christmas! Hugs me

First ~ food for thought... [see below for smiles! :)] The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much , and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete... Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. AND - NEVER FORGET TO SMILE!

I hope everyone has a great Ween this year, and may all your goblins be good ones. Or at least bad in the right way!!! :) XOXOX me