Over 16,548,224 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
Until Then
Questions fall like endless sand
through a bottomless hourglass,
for time can never limit nor
diminish this curiosity,
always at the ready.
Dogged determination has these legs
forge over dunes without end,
for knowledge is not a mirage
and this thirst is unquenchable.
It is always leading toward
an oasis of truth.
Along the way faith is drawn
from the flowers of cacti
for needles may prick
but will never puncture the spirit
not willing to be dominated
by negativity's quicksand.
These bare feet scorched by
the sweltering heat of the superficial,
now callused by the protection
of undying hope, march toward
the very foundation of the
pyramid of enlightenment
where thousands of silicon mirrors
reflect the essence of unlimited courage
and so this journey will continue,
until then.
The Last Smile
I would die happy if...
Many thoughts rush to be first
in line to finish that sentence.
Like kids clamoring around
the ice cream truck, or racing
to the next amusement park ride.
Hell bent on just getting there
and damning the consequences.
Sound familiar?
How many sweet visions do you miss
by keeping your eye on the prize?
First place ribbons and trophies gather dust
as do your memories of what made
those victories worthwhile.
When was your last smile?
No, not that one.
Just being polite doesn't count.
The smile I'm talking about is not just
lips open wide chock full of teeth.
The smile that sends your blood rushing
like river rapids toward the edge of a waterfall
where sensations are too numerous to name.
The one where everything stands still
just to enjoy the deluge of happiness.
Climbing my favorite tree to find my special spot;
Walking into any library or bookstore;
Every time I step onto a plane
heading anywhere, everywhere;
Catching glimpses of horses;
My mother brushing my hair, or the time
she painstakingly sliced an apple into paper thin pieces,
just so her 7 year old in the hospital could get it past her lips.
And then there is dance, dance that makes me come alive
whether it is on stage, on the dance floor, or in my bedroom.
Most recently that smile visited me on vacation.
Not going to an exotic locale or even taken with family or friends.
No, I was alone on my journey when I found the last smile.
It was then I knew I would have many more.
Fractured Psyche
I'll always wonder when lightening struck
your psyche with a bolt of despair so profound
even the Earth gasped in dismay.
Was it at the tender age where you were home schooled
in terror? The syllabus consisting of hypocrisy, abuse
and ignorance had you excel in reading the signs to survive.
Is it any wonder the lessons taught in school never had any room
to lay down roots with all the weeds of sorrow there?
I imagine that is why you can never whisper now.
Years of a garrote around your voice box
would make me want to be heard too.
Besides, maybe you think raising your voice
will drown out the echoes of a childhood lost.
Lost as the footing you attempt to gain
maneuvering through the labyrinth of manhood.
No one told you the odds of lightening striking
the same spot so to you those rules did not apply.
Each additional blow darkening your vision
in direct proportion to the narrowing of your safety zone.
Those who blew out their own candles did not think
their black hole would bring you to the event horizon,
the point of no return.
Don't return, I beg you, for that is not the way.
Paw the ground, flare your nostrils, lower your horns
and charge through the barrier of torn self.
I promise, the you I always saw is waiting on the other side.
Coinage
Picking friends or lovers
Either way the ascent and descent
of the heart's coin toss
is watched with bated breath.
Heads, they won't play with yours.
Tails, it's between your legs.
Somersaulting wishes plentiful as
fountain's littered base.
You'd think your nimble fingers
could mask the tremors by now.
Yours is not the only one taking flight,
landing among both nickel-plated and sterling silver souls alike;
with a few wooden ones for good measure.
Show those gratitude for they make no bones about their
halfhearted attempts at playing impostor.
Bask even more in the shine of those unabashedly real,
for once you catch them, they will never be tossed again.
As for the dangerous ones,
the only ones who over time lose their cover
by showing their true colors;
the green mark left on your skin
is just their stamp of envy,
and it always washes off.
Untitled Haiku
Flexibility
Central to your survival
Remove knife from back
Nocturnal Oppression
Existence is ethereal in those tenuous moments
when you sit on the cliff's edge of your consciousness.
Free falling upwards suspended by the nightmare
that does not wait for you to sleep.
Sleep, some call it elusive.
No, sleep is the taunting schoolyard bully
getting more satisfaction from keeping
the flames of fear stoked
while the punishment of a beating
would be more than welcome.
A finality in either direction would lift
your sentence in the purgatory of insomnia.
Shades of gray rule here as the only black and white
visible is the gi and the black belt
of the master manipulator and tormentor.
You can almost hear the chuckle under his breath
as you scavenger hunt for distractions.
Distractions to either bore you into finally submitting
to the sandman or to arouse you to total awareness.
After the battle the sanctuary of your room
transforms into a torture chamber where the guard
delights in putting the rations of food just
centimeters out of your reach.
Should you at last grab hold of the brass ring,
too late you realize it was the pin to the grenade
now sending the shrapnel of your comfort
in all directions as your carousel endlessly spins.
Even the animals are dozing peacefully, mockingly.
All you can hear now are the echoes when you finally reach victory.
May I have this dance?
Sometimes your secret unspoken prayers
are answered, but it is often long after
they have been disregarded as any real possibility.
Destiny never could keep timetables,
her dance card already overflowing
with the partners that will be interviewed
before hitting your dance floor.
You see it takes eons of scheduling to coordinate
all who will touch your life and when.
From family members to school teachers;
from relationship partners to friends, and even the sales clerk.
Each and every connection brings you
either closer or farther away from yourself
with the eye always on the ultimate prize.
But you see, doing the two-step backwards is sometimes
necessary to get to a particular point of destination,
so even your mistakes are never missteps.
Whether you are the wallflower one day
or the belle of the ball the next,
you are exactly where you need to be.
So take a deep breath, smile, and look around serenely,
for the music is always about to start and you want to be ready.
Found Woman
My thoughts hold you like lifeline
where you offer comfort and smiles
as readily as you once did.
I don't feel the passage of time
so much as I feel the empty chair
at the table of my heart.
My love has always been more all-you-can-eat buffet
than a 7-course meal that always has a polite finish.
But I'd rather barnacle glue your image to my memory
than to ever scatter the way you made me feel to the four winds.
You could charge interest for eternity
on the debt I owe you for bursting into my life
at the exact moment I almost surrendered...me.
Instead you had me evict those squatters;
Doubt, fear, and insecurity got their walking papers
because you saw me through eyes unfiltered by my past.
So I tried on your views like the shopping spree of a lifetime.
Each garment of your desire tantamount to revelation incarnate,
leaving me yearning for more colors, more styles,
more, more, more of all you had to offer.
My fingers feverishly reading the Braille of your praise
that went far beyond the obvious.
You knew my eyes would xray vision into your soul,
your humor, your very essence of who you are as a man,
gaining my trust by specifically ignoring the Great Wall.
When the struggles for life itself had me newborn kitten weak,
I did not notice the loss of pieces of self weighing down
the scale of my confidence making it so easy for the betrayals
to give that fatal blow.
You touched the secret recesses of my being
without ever laying a hand on me.
Having my lips form words just to mimic the many ways
I could kiss you, but I will leave you with these:
Thanks love, for your infinite kindness
in finding she who was thought to be lost forever,
for reminding her that before she was diagnosed, she was beautiful;
before she was abandoned, she was sexy;
before she was separated, she was sensual;
before she was married, she was flirtatious and insatiable;
but most of all, before the laundry list of men
who disappointed her, she was and still is
a woman in every sense of the word.
Untitled Haiku
My lovers embrace
adrenaline after dark.
Insomnia thrills!
Give Me The Coast
Give me the coast, any coast.
Being a Jersey Girl at heart,
I have been baptized in the Atlantic Ocean.
Learning to appreciate and respect
both its power to soothe and destroy in equal awe.
At 5, I was blessed to bury my toes
in the sands of Salinas, the beaches
of my heritage in Ecuador.
At 13, I built sandcastles at the shores of Malibu.
At 21, I learned to sway my hips
to the rhythm of St. Martin's waves.
And most recently, Florida's coastline
hugged me like a long lost friend.
Yes, give me the coast, any coast.
Because each and every one is a siren's call I must heed.
The pull and push of the waves
mirroring my blood rushing to keep time
as my soul kisses the sweet solace yet again.
