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What are you waiting for?

Jake from State Farm's blog: "Nowadays"

created on 07/09/2007  |  http://fubar.com/nowadays/b100448

Well because everyone is talking about it of course!

studentgroupIf you consider yourself "awakened" and aware of what's really happening on the planet, you're ready for a major change. Who doesn't want to shift from this negatively charged way of living?

We are thrusted into a life where we're told to act within the existing limits of normality. Don't question authority, live within the two gender models, pay for your education to work a unsatisfactory job, don't freak out about the fact we are so disconnected from the earth, and from each other.

Coming together and talking about the issues is the first step in manifesting the solution – but we need to act on our ideas. This shift doesn't come from just writing articles like this then continuing on in life. It comes from creating spaces around the world people can gather to live off grid and from the earth, like we're suppose to.

Our existing governmental systems have proven failure.

government

When we get down to our core, no one wants war. Everyone wants to exist within love, its our natural state of being. Our lineage has lived in a paradigm of fear and conformity, where they assumed segregation and discrimination was the way to live life, simply because they were born into it. Tools like the internet have allowed for a global awakening in seeing the truth of what is really going on.

Recent polls show that only 29% percent of Americans are in favour of air strikes in Syria. All the unnecessary acts of our 'protective' military happen without any real consent from the rest of the world.

It is in favour of the few, and continually sets us back in establishing a connection with one another while keeping us in a state of fear. We are all our own governors that can work together in a new system of gratitude and honesty, we just need to act like it.

Experiences of 'contact events'.

This topic is scary and unbelievable to some, and a completely casual, daily occurrence for others. It depends on your belief system and what you allow to manifest in your life. It is becoming apparent that we are much more than our physical 3D bodies.

People around the world are having interactions with – essentially just different forms of manifested energy that we call aliens, angels, spirits, higher selves, source or God.

Humanity is realizing its true potential, which is still quite scary to some. Earth is an incredibly special planet that is garnering a lot of attention from different consciousnesses in our universe. The radical shift that is taking place here, emits a lot of energy that radiates throughout space.

There is still a grand number of people who close up their belief system when these ideas are brought up. And who wouldn't? Overlord draconians, hive mind grey aliens? We still exist in the paradigm of 'that's impossible' when of course, we are the creators of this reality, we have just forgotten.

Synchronicities

synchronicityThese are happening at the smallest scales, and its up to us to notice them. It is important to not dismiss something as a coincidence because nothing is just a random act. Something that happens to me a lot is I'll be listening to a song or something with dialogue and if I drift off in thought for moment, I'll always say a word in my head at the exact time it's said in the song.

It's small, and easily overlooked but I know those moments heighten my awareness because I physically feel lighter and often make new connections in my mind. In the moment of seeing the time at 11:11, that number represents whatever you make it.

When I see that time its a reminder of the awakening of the consciousness, and in that moment sometimes new ideas or ways of perceiving those ideas are brought into my awareness. The importance lies within seeing the bigger picture, and being reminded we are part of a much larger story that we are all writing.

The state of the world is disintegrating

collapse-what-did-you-expect-There are a plethora of ways to view the idea of 'the world ending'. It's really just shifting to a new beginning, and we are in the process of creating what type of beginning that will be. The urgency of this isn't easily seen because if you run out on the street, the roads aren't crumbling and people aren't running for their lives.

We can't envision a global collapse because it still seems like a distant, unreachable thought that we keep pushing away.

Really, we are at the precipice of our manifestations on earth and there is no more time to keep living how we are. Why are we still using oil, having radiation pumped out, rapidly burning away our resources, then acting like this can continue for 10 more years? The real shift into this new paradigm will take place when there's no more buffer time to keep putting these issues off. In the moments of true darkness, we will become the light.

In the end, there's no need to be scared, we are eternal beings and everything is light and love. The point is we are defining what it truly means to live in a world of love and light. It is the process of everyone connecting to manifest a reality where we remember we are in control. We are the creators and we need to remember this before life on earth- within the third dimension is not possible.

What would you do if all you had was five dollars to your name or in your wallet? What would you do if someone asked you for a portion of that five dollars or all of it? How would you feel releasing the only money that you have? Another question is, is it really all you have?

As a child I witnessed my family struggle with money, it always seemed that there was never enough. I remember a cold and grey morning in New Jersey where my parents were upset and my mother crying because our car had been repossessed. I never quite understood the lack, because we had food on our table and clothes on our back, however there always lingered a sense of scarcity in our home and in our hearts. Being that I saw my parents struggle with their relationship to money, I inherited the same sort of attitude as a young adult, and found myself struggling to pay bills or acquire a job that payed enough to support my lifestyle and endeavors. Over time, I realized that we all possess the inherent ability to manifest exactly what we need or want in life. It did not require struggle as I perceived it, but a shift in the way I think, speak, and relate to myself and the world. It also required trust and faith in something much larger than myself.

One's relationship to money is directly linked to our ability to manifest its abundance in our lives and although it does not carry the means to our ultimate happiness and fulfillment in life, it does help. For it is not the root of all evil, but a symbol of energy exchange. A physical representation of the energy we give and receive, its presence in our lives can transform what was once a simple thought or dream into reality. It is a tool of creation and can be used for good and evil, however you wish to perceive it. If we believe in a world where there is not enough, then that is the universe we live in. Constantly struggling to get what we need and want, with never enough to help others along the way, because there's not even enough for ourselves. In an article called Ending Poverty Consciousness by Jeanie Marshall, she defines poverty consciousness as "being a set of [attitudes, beliefs, feelings, and values] associated with material lack or fear of material lack. Poverty consciousness equals a belief in limitation, and almost always includes fear." It is our own thoughts that create the world around us, and if we wish to change the world, start by changing the way you think about it.

As we think about ways to redefine the structure of our inner workings, we begin to see where we place our faith. Is it in money or possessions? Is it in ourselves? In God? In the future? In the present moment? In what see or cannot see? Can we build trust in the notion that the universe is waiting to fulfill our every need? Or will we continuously entertain the crippling idea that when X,Y, and Z are in place only then can we achieve our dreams.

We live in a world that will support your every creation, whether it's not having enough or having everything you need and more. As we expand our consciousness towards love and gratitude, we recognize that there is more than enough for everything and everyone. In fact, we work to bring this sort of abundance to those around us as we are showered with infinite support and blessings.

Surely, we all live within different circumstances and it can be said that what some can achieve others cannot, for whatever reason. This may be true, and given how diverse the world is I truly empathize and understand how limitations are simply a part of the grand picture. However, if we look within and question the architecture of our own fundamental beliefs, values, and ideas we open ourselves to an infinite realm of possibility. Sometimes we must journey beyond what we know to serve creation, and it can be frightening, we may even be harshly judged for our commitment to growth and freedom, but that is our choice. So, the next time we are faced with the opportunity to live in full trust and faith, remember there is enough for you and me and everyone we love. To live with that sort of magic in one's life brings about miracles and reestablishes goodness in the world and in our hearts. The time is NOW, the opportunity is HERE, and LOVE is all around us.

(repost)

Lifmatter where we stand on the spectrum it's completely unnecessary.

An alternative view: Chances are the person you're concerned about judging you, is too concerned with how they believe you to be judging them to even take notice of what you're self-conscious about. Focus on being the truest version of yourself and not a fake "safe" version that minimizes your chances of being perceived poorly.

4. That was all luck

You finally have something good happen in your life and you choose to chalk it up to luck rather than give yourself credit. Law of attraction stuff aside, I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I'm not suggesting that you become a credit hog, but stop casting great experiences aside to the pessimistic luck pile.

An alternative view: You play a bigger role in the life you live and what happens to you than you think, so accept the good experiences and let them further motivate you to keep pushing forward.

5. I'll do it tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day that everything changes. It's the day I start going to gym regularly. It's the day I get going on that diet. It's the day I start writing my book. The only thing it has a tendency to actually be is the day that never comes.

An alternative view: Make tomorrow today and take control of the life you live. Accomplishing goals is a process, but the only way you'll get there is by actually starting the process.

6. I need my partner to complete me

Relationships can be a wonderful experience, but they aren't the experience that dictates the life you live, YOU dictate the life you live. If you aren't in a relationship, a view that you need a relationship to feel complete and happy will more than likely further cripple you from finding it. If you're in a relationship and you feel that it is what completes you, that's quite the house of cards to be standing on -especially given the overall global trend in relationship longevity.

An alternative view: See relationships as an extension to the human experience and not the basis of the human experience. Work on your relationship with yourself, it'll be the greatest gift you can give to any other relationships you may have.

7. I can't do anything big, I'm just one person in a very big world

We all want to change the world, but when it comes to actually doing it most of us belittle ourselves at the seeming size of the mountain to be climbed. We feel that the peak can only be reached with thousands of others by our side, therefore there is no point trying at all.

An alternative view: Everything you see in front of you started as an idea, an idea that was hatched by one individual -an individual that decided to do something about it. Did they more than likely receive the help and support of dozens of others along the way? Most likely. But those others only showed up because they were willing to take the first step. Stop waiting for all your cards to fall into place before taking action, you need to start with what you have to even give the cards a reason to show up.

8. I'll never get over that

Life experiences can certainly be very traumatic, and through this I'm not suggesting that we completely let go and forget all that has happened to us. What I am referring to are the smaller instances that we choose to blow up and let forever taint how we view or treat another -and in some cases the level to which we trust the entire world. An example would be that a former partner of yours once cheated on you, because of that you will now forever treat them like shit, see the person they did it with as "easy" and now be even more guarded and non-trusting towards all future partners -even though they had absolutely nothing to do with it.

An alternative view: See everything for the lesson that it provided and grow from it. Let go of whoever you need to let go of, but don't carry the baggage of how you see them as purse everywhere you go. Treat every new experience exactly for what it is: a new experience.

9. My family has been doing it that way for years

Traditions can be great, but in the same breath certain traditions can also be quite limiting and comical. To help illustrate this I'm going to use an infamous little story:

It was Thanksgiving and a husband asked his wife why she was cutting the ends off of a perfectly good roast before placing it in the oven. She replied "my mother always did it this way." Curious, the man went to ask his mother-in-law why she cut the ends off of the roast. She replied "because my mother always did it that way." Luckily, his mother-in-law's mother was still alive so he went to go ask her why she cut the ends off of the roast, to which she replied, "because I didn't have a big enough pan to fit the entire thing."

An alternative view: Rather than blindly accepting all traditions, truly look at them for what they are and determine whether or not they still make sense to upkeep. The world is changing, imagine how much quicker it'll change if we start to think more critically and make our own decisions.

10. I was born that way

This statement is far too often used as a badge of honour and a badge of shame. We use it to boast about certain skills or talents we may have had for as long as we can remember. We also use it to justify our shortcomings. Aside from certain physical attributes -body augmentation aside -there is very little that we cannot change about ourselves, we just don't give ourselves a chance to.

An alternative view: View life based on the moment rather than the accumulation of all of your past experiences. You may have developed certain tendencies and character traits that have been re-enforced by years of portraying and believing them, but they can be shifted. Many of you may disagree with this, but I don't think any of us are actually born stubborn for example, we're all just born cute and malleable to become whatever life shapes us into.

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What are your thoughts on these 10 beliefs? I'm sure there are bound to be at least a couple that you disagree with. Feel free to share your views and any ideas for others that could have been included via the comment section below.

e is a complicated journey filled with joy, hardship and everything in between. As much as the things that happen to us are inherently the way that they are, I believe that we determine to what extent they affect us. We determine how much of a "pick me up" or roadblock they're going to be, and it's often the beliefs that come with each experience that play a deciding role. Beliefs that -for the most part -we seem to have widely accepted as a collective.

As we begin a new year, we often set for ourselves -myself included -a series of goals or life changes that we would like to accomplish or implement over the course of this calendar year. In hopes of helping you accomplish that which you are striving for, here are 10 things I feel we need to stop believing:

1. Life is hard

How many times have you gone through an experience that in the moment of it seemed like the end of the world, only later to be something that you moved on and learned something from -in some cases were even grateful for? Life may have its hard moments but it is not inherently hard, unless you believe it to be. The genuinely hard moments will be enough to gratify your need for a challenge, there is no need to make minor bumps into hard times as well.

An alternative view: Life is a roller coaster in which we determine how smooth or intense it gets. There may be some built-in steep drops, but an expectation for the ride to be filled with them will do nothing but create an unnecessarily way more intense ride. Take a breath and take in each moment before reacting to it.

2. They have it easy

Comparison. It's something we all do and often don't like to admit. We gauge our own lives based on how we perceive the lives of others to be, often mocking the simplicity another has to deal with. Just like most would never be able to truly understand your experience, never will you be able to properly understand theirs, so stop preoccupying yourself with it.

An alternative view: Rather than complaining, focus on your own life and figure out what works best for your unique situation.

3. They think I'm __________

This one goes hand in hand with number two, and together they can make one disgusting couple. We are all self-conscious to varying degrees and no

Peacey the Earth Monkey

The Monkey is lively, likable and witty. Highly sociable, the Monkey is talkative and, as a fascinating conversationalist, he attracts a wide circle of friends. People born under this influence have an innately low boredom threshold. Inquisitive in the extreme and forever believing that the grass is greener elsewhere, they need to find continual stimulation to keep themselves interested and amused. However, often Monkeys are too clever for their own good and can be mettlesome, opportunistic, and unscrupulous to the point of being tricky and manipulative. This is because Monkey types possess acute psychological perspicacity which enables them to read people like books. In particular, women under the Monkey influence can play rather subtle games with members of the opposite sex. And although Monkeys give the impression of getting on fabulously with everybody, this great rapport is often nothing but a ruse -- Monkeys are in fact egotistical and selfish. They tend to be lazy, concentrating on small matters while ignoring more important issues. They ignore obstacles, finding them beneath their consideration.

Playful, even obliging at times, the Monkey hides the poor opinion he has of others beneath his apparent friendliness. He distrusts people born under any other sign and considers himself to be superior to all of them. He has plenty of intelligence and a fantastic ability to pull the wool over people's eyes. He is so artful that he can even fool the Dragon -- who is strong, stubborn, and no fool himself -- and resist the magnetism of the Tiger, whom he teases unmercifully.

Monkeys are highly adaptable and versatile. Enthusiastic about everything, they spend their time broadening their minds and are especially fascinated with art. They like refinement, originality and luxury. Inventive and intelligent, those born in these years can solve most problems quickly and skillfully, and are able to accomplish much in business. Monkeys shamelessly acknowledge their attraction to money. They quickly assimilate facts and figures, picking up new skills and techniques almost instantaneously. In business it is their opportunism coupled with their keen competitive instinct that gives them an eye for that tiny opening into which only Monkeys can insinuate themselves. Once they have instilled themselves, it is their ability to turn their hands to anything that will bring them ultimate success and, in many cases, even make their fortune.

The Monkey can succeed in any profession. Politics, diplomacy, industry, trade -- none of them will have any secrets from him. He can try anything and anything will work, especially if he has been fortunate enough to have a higher education. Though the renowned adaptability of the Monkey personality takes those born under this sign into a variety of occupations, many will naturally gravitate towards show business. This is because Monkey-born people have a compelling need to be noticed. Unfortunately, because they are such audacious people and care very little about their reputations, it does not matter much to them whether the impression they create is one of pleasure or of shock. It is simply a case of the more publicity they can generate around themselves, the happier they are.

The first part of the Monkey's life will be happy. The second will be upset and confused and his plans will often miscarry. Once attaining a ripe old age, the Monkey will increasingly enjoy a simple, everyday life.

Under the influence of the Water element, he is placid and reliable, with a cool, collected nature, expansive and given to disinterested acts of charity. He is quiet in his demands for admiration and appreciation, but will sulk and become insolent if it not forthcoming. He is likely to be intellectual and well-read, honest, straightforward and achieves distinction through his thoroughness and devotion to duty. He may not be fond of entertaining for its own sake, but will be kind and loving to those he cares about.

 

LEAD STORY

On May 21, Jesse Robinson either established or tied the unofficial world record for unluckiest underage drinker of all time when he was booked into the Hamilton County, Ohio, jail for underage consumption. According to booking records, Robinson's date of birth is May 22, 1990. [HamiltonCountyJails.info, 5-23-2011]

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Government in Action!

"Common sense lost its voice on this one," concluded a Wethersfield, Conn., city councilman, lamenting the local school board's having spent at least $630,000 to "resolve" an ethics complaint against the board's chairwoman -- all because her son had improperly taken a $400 high school course for free. The town's ethics board conducted more than 60 hours of hearings over 11 months, incurring $407,000 in legal expenses, and finally voted, 3-2, to uphold the complaint. (However, the ethics board ordered only that the chairwoman reimburse the $400; the school board then voted to pay all her legal expenses.) [Hartford Courant, 6-10-2011]

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In June, as five young men gathered around the Mount Tabor Reservoir near Portland, Ore., one urinated in it, thus "contaminating" the 7.2 million gallons that serve the city, and, said Water Bureau administrator David Shaff, necessitating that the entire supply be dumped. Under questioning by the weekly Portland Mercury whether the water is also dumped when an animal urinates in it (or worse, dies in it), Shaff replied, certainly not. "If we did that, we'd be (dumping the water) all the time." Well, asked the reporter, what's the difference? Because, said Shaff (sounding confident of his logic), "Do you want to be drinking someone's pee?" [Portland Mercury, 6-15-2011]

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Police Report

Gregory Snelling, 41, was indicted in June for the robbery of a KeyBank branch in Springfield, Ohio, which was notable more for the foot chase with police afterward. They caught him, but Snelling might deserve "style" points for the run, covered as he was in red dye from the money bag and the fact that he was holding a beer in his hand during the entire chase. [Springfield News-Sun, 6-15-2011]


Least Competent Non-Criminals

In May, in Rensselaer, N.Y., and in June, in Bluefield, W.Va., two men, noticing that police were investigating nearby, became alarmed and fled out of fear of being arrested since both were certain that there were active warrants out on them. Nicholas Volmer, 21, eventually "escaped" into the Hudson River and needed to be rescued, but the police were after someone else, and no warrant was on file against him. Arlis Dempsey Jr., 32, left his three kids on the street in Bluefield to make a run for it before police caught him, but he was not wanted for anything, either. (Both men, however, face new charges -- trespassing for Volmer, and child endangerment for Dempsey.) [Times Union (Albany), 5-5-2011] [Bluefield Daily Telegraph, 6-17-2011]

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Recurring Themes

People sometimes have illicit sex in cemeteries, and when they get really aggressive, tombstones may fall over on top of them. (A randy 39-year-old woman was injured in Hamilton, N.J., in June after a gravestone rolled onto her leg at the Ahavath Israel Cemetery.) [Trenton Times, 6-2-2011]

Motorists who stop along the side of the road at night to relieve themselves are often not careful enough. (In May, a specialty unit from the Renton, Wash., Fire Department was required in order to rescue a urinator who accidentally fell down a 30-foot embankment in south King County and was trapped for several hours.) [Seattle Post-Intelligencer, 5-30-2011]

Getting Shorted

Retail | Miami, FL, USA |

(At our store, we sell individual tea bags for fifty cents each. Free hot tap water and a foam cup come with each bag sold. One customer, a man in his thirties, has been coming in and buying a single bag of tea every Sunday for two years, but he never takes the water or the cup.)

Customer: “I’d like a refund of $50 please.”

Me: “We don’t sell anything that expensive.”

Customer: “Well, I bought 100 of those herbal mixes and they haven’t done a d*** thing.”

Me: “You mean the tea you buy every week?”

Customer: “No, the herbal mixes in the little yellow packets.”

Me: “Yes, that’s tea.”

Customer: “You mean it won’t make my man parts larger?”

Me: “No, it’s a beverage.”

Customer: “Oh. Never mind, then.”

(He leaves, disappointed. I never saw him again.)

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(Not So) Smooth Counterfeiting

Drugstore | Chicago, IL, USA | Criminals

(I am ringing up a customer when he hands me a 100 dollar bill.)

Me: “Alright, I just need to check it really quick.”

(I hold the bill up to the light.)

Customer: “It’s okay. I just printed it.”

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Blocks UV-A, UV-B, And Omega-3

Drugstore | Toronto, Ontario, Canada |

(I am standing at the cash registers when a customer approaches me with two bottles of sunscreen.)

Customer: “Excuse me, could you tell me the difference between these two?”

(I explain to her they are different brands, different prices, and of different SPF.)

Customer: “Oh, okay. But is one of them fat free?”

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Casting The First Stone

Grocery Store | Elizabethtown, PA, USA |

(A customer comes through my check-out line looking agitated.)

Customer: “How dare you work on a sacred day of rest!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Today is Sunday! Why are you here? You should be in church, you blasphemous heathen! Why are you here?”

Me: “I’m working on Sunday because there are customers that want to buy groceries on Sundays.”

(The customer immediately shut up and didn’t speak for the rest of the time I rang up his groceries).

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Warning: IQ May Be Inversely Proportional To Wavelength

Hotel | Milan, Italy |

Guest: “Do you have a macrowave?”

Me: “You mean a microwave? It’s at the–”

Guest: “I don’t like your microwave. I need a macrowave.”

Me: “There’s no such thing as a macrowave.”

Guest: “Well, your microwave isn’t heating my food fast enough. I want a macrowave instead!”

Me: “Sorry, but it’s a standard microwave. Perhaps you can check if you have it on a low setting?”

Guest: “What?”

Me: “There’s should a dial going from from low to high under the timer dial.”

Guest: “It’s on low.”

Me: “Change it to high.”

Guest: “So, it’s macrowaves now?”

Me: “No, but your food will now heat faster.”

Guest: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. Ring us again if there’s a problem.”

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My Tin Foil Hat Must Be Broken

Cellphone Store | Danville, VA, USA |

(I am helping a woman out with her cellphone. The internet isn’t working properly.)

Me: “I see the problem. Data wasn’t enabled in the settings.”

Customer: “Oh, so it wasn’t Al Qaeda stealing my signal?”

Me: “Haha, no, ma’am.”

Customer: “They’re everywhere, you know!”

Zombies Need Life Insurance Too

Insurance | VA, USA |

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to find out about getting life insurance for my sister.”

Me: “Okay, I can connect you with an agent.”

Customer: “Wait, I have a question.”

Me: “No problem, what is your question?”

Customer: “Well, my sister died two days ago. Is that going to make it more expensive?”

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Caller On Line (Number) Two

Retail | Emeryville, CA, USA |

Me: ”Thank you for calling [store]. This is Ella. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I need [muddled].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t really hear you.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I said I can’t hear you too well.”

Customer: “Oh, god d*** it! Hang on!”

(There is a lot of grunting, a fart, and then the toilet flushes)

Customer: “Can you hear me now?!”

It’s Not All Right

Retail | Columbus, OH, USA |

(A confused man is looking through the golf balls in the bin.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Yes…how can you tell the difference between left-handed and right-handed balls?”

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If You Can’t Bring The Pizza To The Mountain…

Pizza Delivery | Denver, CO, USA |

(Sometimes the customers that call are out of our delivery area. We have to find out which restaurant delivers to them.)

Me: “What are your major cross streets?”

Customer: “Federal and Quincy.”

Me: “Okay. That could be one of two stores. Are you North or South of Quincy Avenue?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Alright. Can you face Quincy from where you are standing?”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Are the mountains on your left or your right?”

Customer: “The mountains are in the west.”

Me: “Yeah. But are they to your left or right when facing Quincy?”

Customer: “They are in the west.”

Me: “The mountains are always in the west. If the mountains are to the east of you, you aren’t in Denver.”

Customer: “No. The mountains turn with me.”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “The mountains are in the west.”

Me: “Yeah, that would mean you’re in Denver. Now are they on your left or your right?”

Customer: “I’m telling you, the mountains are in the west!”

Me: “I’m not arguing the geography with you. I’m trying to find out where you are.”

Customer: ”Never mind, you’re an idiot.” *click*

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A-Pee-l For An Appointment, Part 2

Clinic | Utica, NY, USA |

Customer: “Hi, I’m here for drug screening.”

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed for the day. We open tomorrow at 8.”

Customer: “What! You mean I have to hold it until then?”

Coffee Shop | Ventura, CA, USA | Top

(Woman walks in totally nude and grabs a muffin. She has a large, rather offensive tattoo from her bottom rib up her neck.)

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t just take those…”

Nudist: “Why, because of the tattoo?”

Me: “No, because you need to pay for it first.”

Nudist: “It’s a free country!” *walks out*

(I ended up pulling out my wallet and paying for it myself, because getting arrested for chasing a nude chick down the street is not worth it.)

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Egocentrism Meets Geocentrism

Travel Agency | Pendel, PA, USA | Top

Customer, calling from a cell phone: “Would you tell me how to get to your office?”

Me: “Sure, where are you now?”

Customer: “That is none of your business. Just tell me how to get there.”

Me: “But to do that, I need to know where you are starting from. Are you in our town?”

Customer: “I told you that is none of your $%@# business.”

(After few more exchanges of this sort…)

Customer: “You are an idiot. Let me speak to your manager.”

Manager, who overheard part of the conversation already: “May I help you?”

Customer: “Tell me how to get to your office.”

Manager: “Well, that depends on where you are starting from.”

Customer: “&@#$#!! Just $%%@# tell me how to get there.”

Manager: “Okay. See the next corner? Turn right there.”

Customer: *click*

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Those Silly Ethnics And Their Funny Words

Grocery Store | Colorado, USA |

Customer: “Do you have burrito wrappers?”

Me: “Do you mean tortillas?”

Customer: “Well I guess you could call them that.”

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DNA Is Such A Bother Anyway

Customer Service | Portland, OR, USA |

Me: “Is she your biological child?”

Customer: “No, no, she’s natural–no scientific stuff.”

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Some Types Of Trouble Are Worth Getting Into

| Texas, USA |

Guest: “Do your steaks come from a cow?”

Me: “Yes.”

Guest: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, her name was Maybell and we all will miss her very much…”

Boss: *not laughing*

Restaurant | Jacksonville, FL, USA |

(I have albinism, so I have very pale skin, white hair, and red irises.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Are…are you a vampire?”

Me: “Well, my dad is half-vampire.” *laughing*

Customer: “Please, don’t bite me.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to bite you.”

Customer: “Don’t put any blood in my food either. I don’t want to be a vampire.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to put blood in your food. I’m not a vampire. We serve regular food here.”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager.”

(I go and get my manager, and fill him in on what’s going on.)

Customer, to my manager: “Is your vampire waitress going to bite me?”

Manager: “Only if you don’t tip her well.”

(The woman looks completely horrified, but finally ends up ordering and leaving me a 21% tip.)

________________________________________________________________________________

Doesn’t Have The Drive To Succeed

Fast Food, Restaurant | Melbourne, Australia |

Me: “Just drive around to the next window and your order will be ready there.”

Customer: *looks worried* “Where is the next window?”

Me: “Just around the corner.”

Customer: “But I can’t see it.”

Me: “That’s because it’s around the corner. Drive around the corner and you will.”

Customer: “I hope I don’t get lost!”

_________________________________

 

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