You're nothing like me, & never will be, so I have begun to understand, why you think what I do is obscene. This life, that I have lived through...the pain that I have dealt, & also received...I wasn't asking for your fucking sympathy. Don't ask me why I do the shit I do. You will not get an answer, because unlike you...this shit unfortunitly just comes naturally to my mental state of well being. I am truly an amazing girl, if you actually get to know me. I cannot stand when you first meet someone, & they are ridiculously shy, & all [Afraid to act themself] yea, that shit...doesn't tickle me fancy. Girls seem to think that what I do, or who I am is rather disgusting. I am NOT sorry if what I do offends your pretty little face, Susie Q. When you go through it, (if you ever do) you'll understand. Sometimes hate & animosity flow through my veins...other times, I am a nice person...really. So well complexed, let me tell you. I didn't know there was a such thing as being so incomplete, & hateful, but at the same time, so loving & 'caring'. I seem to always be hurting people, subcontiously. I really don't mean to...or do I? Yea, it's all a sick part of my fucked up game, & my manipulating ways. I dig deep inside you, & take pieces of your heart, tear them out, just so I can put mine back together. Or maybe it's because you all make me sick, with your frivolous attitudes, & have no idear whatsoever, what it's like to be really hurt, & I'm just helping you out. I'll make your or break you...but in the end, you'll be thanking me. ((When you're done crying like a bitch)). Emotion is weak. Evaluate me, & you'll be in for the ride of your fucking life. Don't say I didn't warn you.Some say I'm bad for your health. Where could I honestly start off, beginning to describe anything, in a way, that hasn't been explained? Not possible. You know why? There is an immense amount of people in this world, & I am sorry, but you aren't that original. I have noticed, within the last 5 years, that originality comes from within. It isn't what you try to be, it's what you ARE. Snide, you say? No, just stating the obvious, that everyone seemingly loves to pass by. My name is April, I am 19 years old. My way of thinking, drives even me through the roof at times. Seems as if I grew up to fast for my age. Never really got to live out all those 'good' memories. Fuck it, just make more, to fix the bad ones. What you have to say to me, just might be pointless & out of place, but I might just listen. You just never know. Yes, I am all over the place, & there is absolutely nothing anybody will ever say about that, because April does what she wants...regardless. I am a very stubborn & persistant person. It also irritates me greatly, coming to the realization that drugs just might have eaten away at my brain. Then again, it is my own fault. You can't blame your problems on everyone else your whole life, C'mon now, gotta grow up sometime. I do believe in order to fully understand something, you have to go through it. Life honestly isn't as bad, as people make it seem, 99% of the time. Okay, your mom & dad wont let you drive the car for a night, your girl/boy friend dumped you, parents split up, or so on. There is WORSE. Get over it. To think, I was envious of these people growing up, & I admit. Stop taking everything for granted. Spend some time walking through the rain, & smell the beautiful flames of a bon-fire. You live once. End of story. Do what you can, with what you have. No rules, no plans. Just live. I smoke way to many cigarettes, & I probably cuss more often than a girl should? Hmm...I am still confused on how a "girl" is suppose to act. I grew up around guys, sorry to disappoint you. I act more boyish than alot of guys I know -_- Aside keeping my reality at a faint distance, life is great. well, not really. It's what the fuck you make of it. I love writing, but wouldn't be able to write books for the life of me. I am to dis-organized. So yea, I do the 'poetry' thing...& NO, I do not fall into the category with the rest of the poetry writers. If I could sit here, & take all the time in the world, to describe to you, how bad drugs will fuck with you, & turn you stupid, I would. There isn't enough drugs. Confused yet? Music. Ah, how I love thee. Welcome to my world. I have an obsession. Deal with it. Every type. Every sound. Every instrument. Music is life, & that is that. Pictures. B&w photography is the best creation known to human kind. Memories are worth a life time, unless the lifetime has no memories. Reinact. Copy what everyone does. You be the sheep, as you wish. As long as I can guide you into the thorn bush. You will realize, sooner or later...that the scene your in, will change as you mature. It's a scary thing, but it happens. So you tell me, who is the 'big boy' now. . -_- .When we first got together... You said that you respected me... Known about my fucked up childhood... But you still accepted me... We took it to that level... But sometimes I swear it's like... I'm obsessed with the devil... & these differences...That cannot be settled