Rogue AKA Keerie's blog: "....."

I prove myself over and over I'm not them You prove yourself over and over You're not them Why do we keep this struggle alive? Why do we fear our pasts? Why is it we close ourselves off to each other? I want our walls to not exist But it's not what I want that matters But rather what WE can handle. I love you, I am IN love with you You love me, you are not IN love with me You won't allow yourself to be. It hurts me to no end, But what can I do? My thoughts scream LET ME IN My heart aches to be held by yours But we are so different. I pray that I can hold onto the hope That things will get better One day.... Maybe one day

I said I didn't mind. It's not like this is real. But it hurts me so deep Makes my chest heavy and ache Tears, longing to fall Do I ever know when to draw That line of attatchement? Where do I stop caring? I can't love you You can't love me But watching you love another Is almost unbearable.

Curled up in a world of pain. Hurt by those closest to me. But then again... Aren't those the only ones that can ever hurt you? Aching and longing, I want to be understood I yearn for the same compassion, Understandings I offer to others. Things I have been unable to achieve. A lifetime goes by and the pain still stays. The hurt is neverending, unbridled with lust. The desire to dig deeper into my soul, Bury itself to turn me into ice. To make this love and knowledge worthless. Creating a decay of emptiness where my heart used to beat. My eyes now glassy, incapable of caring. Lacking the emotions of the human they are within. Reflections of my inner-most feelings Now lost in eternal death. Has it become too late to repair the damage? Let us hope not, but hope I can no longer do.

Your words, they mean nothing any more. That's all I ever get. Broken promises, nothing more than lies. I do my best to not break my word, To do better as you seem to think I need it. My heart bleeds with all the tears I can not shed. Painful and broken and crushed, And you wonder why I have no faith anymore.

I love you so much it kills me to see you hurting, Knowing there's nothing I can do to comfort or fix you. I want you so bad I die everytime you leave, Knowing it is only for a short while. But do I need you? Do I need what you are a capable of? Am I just lying to myself? Maybe so....maybe so Without our trials and tribulations Life is nothing. It is empty and void. Good things mean the same as the bad. Can I take what is inevitable to come? Should I just take the hurt now And pray that it won't last for eternity? Or can I even live with myself knowing... Knowing the pain I caused was never what I wanted for me...or you. Yes, it is just as much my fault as yours That this love has happened. I knew I was falling for you... Knew it before Him. I couldn't push myself away then... And it's so much harder to do now. Curse this heart of mine. Its undying love, understanding, compassion. "Don't let me be your devil" It would seem that I have become my own devil. Just as I had told you. When first we met, I was comfortable with you. With who you were...and still are. I felt no pressure to do anything I didn't wish to do. Now here I sit, wondering what happened. What made me fall in love with you? I still do not know. I am not sure I ever will. *looks down a moment and laughs at herself...almost hysterical* Can I trust you to give me 100% of you? Can I have faith that you will be true to me? You "love(d)" Her...but 3 days after meeting me... Only 3 days...would you do the same to me? I know how to love completely and unconditionally. I can be the most loyal and faithful woman... So long as I know the one I am with is worthy of it. That he is true with me as I am him.

Dark and cold the dagger drips Blood flowing freely from the tips Slicing and stabbing, Thrashing and grabbing Pulling the hair from it's roots She lifts the creature from its boots Pain expanding through the core Tearing the mind through portal doors Twisting and contorting Shifting and morphing No longer a being of humanity But a mere loss of sanity

Every breath that I take; every moment that I'm awake, you consume my thoughts. Forcing them to simple pleasantries is not how I wish to live...to love...to exist. A calming I've not felt in a very long time has shown itself to me when in your presence. A feeling of being whole...one I can not explain. That we speak without uttering a sound. I've never been able to do so with another as clearly. Are you my knight in shining armor? Or will you be my living Hell? A poison, you are, that I would happily drink if there was even a minute possibility that I could be eternally happy. -------------------------- No, it's not written to anyone on fubar, and for those of you that feel it your business to stick your nose into mine, don't. You'll end up with a nose full of shit you can't handle.

A lover's Dream Is a dreamer's love Head in the clouds Heart in your hands My life now belongs to you Pray the days are long ad full Bloodlines merged, life continues My wings stretch wide Enclose around us Love embracing, holding so tight Crushing bodies and souls Gods behold this horrendous love Condemming tortured souls Into an eternal Hell May the Gods help us all...

Bloodlines ending Life refraining Time always changing Hopelessness neverending A chance at eternity Baring chastity She sheds the shrouds Entrapping her soul Lifelessness enters her eyes Born from Him Lust renewed Brought to a life of Willing servitude His duties she fulfills Loving without envy Nore anger, nor rage Obsessed by the dark To the skies like a hawk Rain flowing down their backs Bodies one as their souls before

Walking in the shadows In the midst of the unkown Lost in the moment Looking, but never finding Is there someone out there Who can fix this broken me Tame this wild animal Hidden deep within my soul Caged and waiting For Him to release me Bring my darkness to light For He will have my all my heart, my servitude Anything He desires